based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
