Swine flu. Run for my life!
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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