3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
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