My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
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