Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize