I feel like I'm in dance class right now
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
