if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
