it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
