my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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