Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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