A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
