apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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