Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
