I don't usually arrange sex via text message
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
