I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
