I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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