I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
