Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
