...so i touched it.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
