HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
