This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
