Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
