omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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