Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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