well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
