I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
