Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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