Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
