Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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