im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
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