had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
