I wannas sexs uuuuu
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
you will always have a special place in my vag
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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