fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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