Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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