trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
