I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize