My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
