Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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