You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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