WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
