So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
false alarm. still invincible.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
