so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
