when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Randomize
