awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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