Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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