My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
