I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
