Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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