I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
