Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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