It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize