Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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