i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
