yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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