Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
