would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
