What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Define "chronic" masturbator.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize