): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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