i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
