fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
