i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
