Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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