So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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