If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
