Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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