You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
