So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
