What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
