Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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