Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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