I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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