I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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