my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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