coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You ruined the universe
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize