nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
i need some magic done to my vagina
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
