I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
