the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize