DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
