she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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