fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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