when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
