Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
