yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
