He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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