No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Be still, my beating vagina.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
