we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
