You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
