That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
