so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I skipped work to stalk him.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize