these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
