i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
