She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
