i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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