If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
