He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
