This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
