I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
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