You're so nebulous sometimes
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
