I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
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