In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Randomize