So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
