Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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