i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
